A question of luck

Not yet 2 days since it was over, but the feeling is it was over longer time ago. My head has been a boiling pot of thoughts during these past 2 days. It's been strange to me, normally when I am in this kind of even, mixing english, spanish and so many different people living all together the experience of a big brother show, my head starts burning out since the very first moment. This time has been a little bit different because it started to burn just 2 days ago and it has not yet stopped. Up to this point, I have to admit that it is somehow great, it is a proof that I am a different person and I like it, since the fact that my head was over my shoulder during the whole seminar meant to me that I was kind of improving myself as I was able to rest and find time for me. Actually, I do thanks Munta for this. It has to do with the fact that due to the letter game we started, without being our secret friend (not mine, not hers), she pushed me in a easy way to find time for me to give her some answers back. 

I know now that I made mistakes in the sense that being the self-demanding person that I am with myself, I cannot help the feeling of "mmm I forgot this, it would have been better to have done that" and bla bla bla. Many many thoughts, moments in my life, with the kids, with every single difficult situation I have been through, with every satisfaction I got out of them, Like in a movie, script perfectly well designed and perfomed. But like in a movie, not every body agrees on everything whether it be the groups of acting people (I know it is actors, but I try to do my best not to use masculine words to be the common one for all people, I mean, trying my best to use inclusive language when I speak english). be the story, be the make up, be whatever. There is always something different that attract people differently. I was then thinking that I should have done two important activities, even two key activities in order to go further in getting to know each other, in expressing ourselves, in reaching the understanding of the meaning of respect, in feeling on our skins better than earing, because that moment is key one in making up your time line and your decisions. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable with that idea, when suddenly, just hanging the wet clothes in the rope, I came up with a perfect conclusion for me that gives light to many things now. It is not just that I found how to be satisfied and happy now, but also with my past situations and the ones to come. What goes around comes around to you. We are all connected, even when we think that our actions may not have an effect on a person living in Indonesia, it probably will. How? 6 degreess of separation that connect everything to everybody like a domino effect that cannot be stopped. Imagine all human beings standing up, in a line, like domino pieces, in a way that we all draw the surface of the earth, we give shape to the continents with our bodies. The first piece falls to the second and the chain reaction is started. It won´t stop unless one of then drops off in a different position,which it is not the end, by the way, but another path to more movements. This all comes to explain what I found out. A question of luck, many times I see that's not fair, that's not justice and the feeling of being powerless reaches me. It is when I think that well, it is good to have utopias, but after all, for what. So, this morning, when I was concentrated on my clothes and giving space also to may thouhgts, I found a nice and comfortable feeling towards the fact that I should have done a couple of activities instead of some other, apart from the fact that I am not the most powerful person in the world and it is not only on me. I tried to soothed my soul by thinking, well, I will do it next time with another team, with different persons, which in a way was like, mmm so next group of people will be luckier for that fact. Then I realized, among many other things, of course, that I would appreciate a lot if you share it with me (winking), basically this: as we are all connected, it does not matter who started the fire, since the moment we start the change within ourselves, being the change we want to see in the world, there is no point in thinking it would have been better to do in a different way because it will do, in a way or another, without me. I'll give you an example. 

Last summer was so amazingly meaningful for me, so challenging for me. I will show two different situations, two different feelings for me. First, within my group of children (11-12 years old) there was this kind of love game interaction in which somebody feels attracted by somebody else, the rest of the group knows about it and make it loud, share the situation. Alberto loves Sheila, but Sheila does love him in the same way, which let me tell you did not surprised me because I know Sheila does not follow the suppoused to be normal love rules. So, there comes a point when Alberto felt a bit dissapointed by this and the team started to make fun out it, and also Sheila started to feel bad because she loves him but as a friend and did not want to mix it all. So, she came to me, worried about the fact that she appreciates him a lot, she had a lot of fun with him, but she did not want to confuse him about the way she felt and about the fact that she wanted to be with as friends. But in a way, she assumed she had refuse to it. The group pressure was also very significant, since were making Alberto feel stupid because he has been rejected by Sheila and he should be kind of proud person and start treating her as if she does not exist instead of staying with her and going ahead with their friendship. Sheila was also a bit worried about it. So she told me how she felt and I told her, to tell him the same way she was telling me, expressing herself, and then let him decide what kind of relationship he was to establish with you knowing the way you feel, I mean, letting him decide whether to cut it off from the roots, or accept the way she felt and went ahead with it. I saw her so many times comforting him because she wanted him to be happy, I saw her telling him how she felt and I saw him also accepting the situation, that in a way I felt proud of them, specially of Sheila, and a bit jealous in the sense that she was doing what I was unable to do, eventhouhg I knew the so-called theory about the meaning of love for me. In a way, she proved it , and taught me it is possible whenever you try your best and let the other person decide for him or herself what she wants, what he wants. In this sense, I am sure it will come around to me one day in the form of a respectful person that will be touched or will start the movement of the same meaning of love. That will be our luckiness, as the rest of the people.